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South Knox Bubba's Free Advice for Life
- When driving, never take "shortcuts"
- Stay on the boat
- Always leave a large tip, especially for breakfast
- Never tip less than one dollar.
- When in a strange town, always look for the small local
restaurant with the Cadillacs and Lincolns in the parking lot. If in a small
rural town, look for large, expensive pickup trucks.
- Buy the best you can afford. Don't buy closeouts or
anything from the "drastically reduced" sale racks.
- Always hit a soft 17, always split aces and eights.
Surrender a 15 or 16 against a 10 or an ace if they will let you.
- A really good computer always costs $3500. It
will be obsolete in two years or less.
- Never live in or buy a house on a street named for a
state or a woman or a president.
- Never work for a company whose name ends with
- Register shareware.
- Always say please and thank you.
- Plant a tree.
- Clean out your garage.
- If you go into a fly shop or sporting goods store for
local fishing advice, buy something.
- If you stop at McDonalds or Burger King to use their
restrooms, buy a Coke or something.
- Get an annual National Parks Golden Eagle Passport.
- Always be polite and respectful to clerks and waiters
- Instead of yelling at hired help, yell at their
- Clean out your wallet or your billfold.
- Never invest in stocks on a "hot tip".
- Usually order bottled beer and don't use the glass if
- Rarely or never order seafood specials (unless you can
see the boat it was caught from).
- Always have a towel when you travel.
- When buying a car, never buy extended warranties,
credit life insurance, undercoating, or fabric treatment.
- Always buy an extended warranty for VCR's.
- Fly first class every now and then (but don't get
- Get a UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply) for your
- Call your mother.
- Don't make or use pirated copies of software.
- Check your luggage. Don't carry it on. Take clean
underwear and a toothbrush in your briefcase.
- Get a window seat.
- Change your oil.
- Always own a good stereo, no matter what.
- Always have a daily newspaper subscription.
- Get a Sears charge account, never pay off the entire
- Backup your files.
- Rarely if ever eat at buffets. Never ever eat at an
"all you can eat" restaurant.
- Get a cordless powered screwdriver.
- "Love All. Serve All." (courtesy of Hard Rock
- When you are really pissed off, write a letter. Then
throw it away.
- Read everything you sign.
- Get a good address book software package and religiously
enter the names, addresses, and phone numbers of everyone you come in
- Don't panic.
- Never say anything bad about your boss or other
co-workers to a co-worker.
- Don't hold grudges or seek revenge. Let the laws of
natural selection work for you.
- Always attend company parties and picnics. Never drink
- Resist authority.
- Avoid confrontation, but don't back down.
- Buy Craftsman tools.
- Pet dogs.
- Catch and release.
- Get a good camera. Make sure it always has film. Get a
screw on UV filter to protect the lens.
- Never read a full review of a movie before going to see
- Read the book, then see the movie.
- Always own at least one good, high quality, very sharp
kitchen knife. Also a Swiss army knife.
- Pack out your trash.
- Always have and carry extra batteries.
- Always return shopping carts. Never leave them in the
- Go to Home Depot and get an infrared sensor that turns
your porch light on automatically when you walk up.
- Always be on time for meetings. Call if you are
- Occasionally use valet parking.
- If you don't like your table, ask to be seated at
- If you don't know anything about wines, tell the waiter/waitress
and ask them to suggest something. Don't try to impress.
- Always tell your boss what you think or nothing at all.
Don't suck up or tell him/her what you think he/she wants to hear.
- Buy Girl Scout cookies.
- Never buy magazine subscriptions from someone at your
- Pack light.
- Pay your bills on time.
- Always have good tires and good brakes.
- There is no such thing as a front wheel drive sports
- Never say anything bad about the competition.
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